Examples--The excuse or reason for our behavior?

Lately I have really been struck by the effect that examples have on us in our lives. As I have thought about this, it has become more clear to me that they play a major role in the course that our life will take. They are not the end all and of course with free agency we can always choose to follow a course of our own. Yet if we are honest with ourselves it quickly becomes apparent that most of our actions are the result of things we have seen or heard of others doing. What sort of examples have you had in your life? Do we often find ourselves influenced in what we do by examples we are exposed to but don't necessarily intend to follow? How important is it to be aware of the reasons for our own actions? These are some of the questions that I have given thought to and I suppose that you have done the same. Here are some examples that will most likely have an impact on us if we are exposed to them often enough.

- Television advertising, after all the purpose of advertising is to influence our decision making.
- Friends behavior, especially if we admire this friend and want to be accepted by them.
- Family behavior, the purpose of family is to provide a learning environment as we mature.
- Books and articles we read, our behavior is inititated by the thoughts we allow our mind to focus on.
- Our co-workers and the world around us, this can be both a deterrent as well as a reason for our behavior.
- Our attendance at church, are our actions a result of a desire to fit in and to be appreciated by those we have a positive opinion of ?
- The movies and TV shows we watch, how much of this type of entertainment is uplifting and presents us with positive values?

All of these and perhaps many more things will have a lasting influence on us. Unfortunately, I have all too often witnessed the effect of a bad example on some of my sons as well as many others I have known. I am sure that we can all think of things we have done which can be tied directly to a bad example. But rather than dwell on the bad I would like to highlight some of the good examples I have been the beneficiary of.

After 30 years of marriage to a person that I had planned to share the eternities with; it all came crashing down around me. As a result, I seriously questioned the value of putting so much effort into reaching my eternal goals when the actions of others could wipe it all out overnight. I was faced with a crisis that I was not sure I could survive by myself. In time of need I turned to our Heavenly Father for help and guidance but, for whatever the reason, I was unable to find the answers I was looking for. The help that I needed to keep me moving forward came when I approached my parents about the possibility of living in their basement until I could get back on my feet. Although my father was severely limited in his ability to communicate; my mother was willing to welcome me with open arms. She didn't lecture me or express negative feelings about my predicament. She did all that she could to make me feel at home and to help me maintain some self esteem. She cooked me delicious meals and washed my clothes. She offered helpful advice when asked but never attempted to push me into any particular direction. She provided an essential listening ear without making me feel like she wasn't interested in what I was feeling.
She was the kind of positive example that we hear about in studying the scriptures. Despite difficulties in her marriage and the consuming responsibility of trying to care for her own mother in a time of need; she never chose the easy way out.

Unfortunately my second attempt at reaching my eternal goal was cut short when my second marriage fell apart after less than five years. Perhaps sometimes it is better to realize that the situation is only getting worse and that repeated attempts to correct the problems have only resulted in making things worse. After having tried as hard as I thought that I possibly could to bring about improvement, the only answer seemed to be a divorce. If either or both of us were to be happy then going our separate ways seemed to be the only agreeable solution. Again, did my mother take this opportunity to criticize or blame me for what had happened. She had done all in her power to make my new wife feel welcome in the family. She had shown only love and genuine concern for our extended families. I am sure that she was disappointed but she never let me feel like she thought less of me because of the things that had occurred in my life.

Now I find myself in a loving relationship with my wife Brenda. My mother has again always been there to welcome her and her family. She is always happy to see us and trys to include us in all the family activities. Fellow members of the church which I have had the opportunity to associate with have been a major influence in my life. My mother though has stood out as the single best influence I have had the privilege of knowing. Brenda has helped me to realize how a daily smile and a positive attitude can brighten our lives. She helps me to reconsider when it appears that I am about to head in the wrong direction. The unreserved love and devotion that she has for her kids has taught me to look closely at how I manage my relationships. It is hard to imagine what my life might be like at this point if I hadn't had the privilege of meeting her. She has truly been a friend, a lover, a confidant and an anchor for me to hang on to.

When it comes to examples though, my mother stands out as being head and shoulders among the rest. From the earliest times that I can remember she has been a ray of sunshine in my life. When I was down and needed a lift up, she was there with a kind word or a positive suggestion. When I experienced success, she was there to hear what I had to say and to make me feel like she appreciated my accomplishments. When I needed correction she was never harsh or demeaning in the way that she pointed out to me the mistake I had made. When I expressed a desire to accomplish something she was there to offer assistance. In my teenage years particularly I didn't manage to have a good relationship with my father. But my mother served as the perfect intermediary to help me work out the problems and move forward in my progress. She spent time making shirts and vests for me that I thought were better than any money could buy. When I was on my mission, it was her that faithfully wrote to me without fail.
And throughout my life she has gone out of her way to do everything possible to ensure my success.
It isn't just me that she has shown this love and concern for. I can remember her doing kind things and participating in projects to help others throughout her life. As I said earlier, when her mother suffered a stroke, she spent precious hours looking after her needs. It wasn't easy for her to manage such a full schedule but she continued forward in a kind and loving way When her husband suffered the debilitating effects of Alzheimers disease she continued to love and care for him despite the often rude and inconsiderate way he came to treat her. For as long as she was able, she kept him home and went out of her way to make him feel loved and appreciated. She did all that she could to consider his wishes and allow him to feel good about himself. When she could no longer do that and it became necessary to find professional care, she looked for a place where he would be well treated. She took time nearly every day to visit him, see that he was fed and attempt to provide love and comfort. Now that he has passed away she continues to be of service to all around her. Despite the effect of arthritis and the ailments of old age she continues to quilt for her family and for others. She served as the compassionate service leader in her ward despite being one of the older members. She drives the other elderly ladies around town and to church. She is one of the best examples of service that I hope to know. I can only try to follow in her example and experience for myself the satisfaction that comes from such service. Now she finds herself faced with perhaps one of her toughest challenges. I want her to know that her example has not gone unnoticed and that she has had a positive effect on everyone she has come in contact with. We only hope and pray that she has many good years left in which to continue spreading her own brand of sunshine. I didn't want to miss out on an opportunity to document and share the admiration that I have for her and the love that I have for someone who has influenced my life in so many positive ways. I hope that anyone who might happen to read this blog will join with me in offering prayers of support for her in this time of need. She deserves the best we have to offer.