Unresolved issues and Positive solutions

Now comes the really hard part. How do I recount this period of my life without misrepresenting what took place or glossing over the causes that led up to the eruption. That part will come but for now I think I will start with a series of questions I have never been able to find satisfactory answers for. I would like to think that I could learn from my mistakes, and in many cases I feel that I have been able to. In order to do that though it is important to be able to recognize exactly what the mistakes were and hopefully what caused them. Of course they say that "Men are from Mars and women are from Venus", so why should I ever think that I could understand what goes on in a woman's mind. I thought that I had put a good deal of effort into trying to do just that but I still fall short. Despite the books I have read and the training I have received, I still see things as a man and fall short of being able to truly see the feminine point of view. After thinking about the way I started out with this blog for a few days I have decided that it is time to get on with the effort. I will do my best to not sound overly dramatic or melancoly but after all I am still me.

- How do you live and share lifes experiences with someone for 30 years and still not recognize how they really feel about things?
- Am I the only one who truly remembers the good times that occurred over those 30 years?
- How do children who were taught not to drink and smoke all the time they were growing up wind up ruining their lives by adopting those very bad habits?
- Why do some people find it necessary to focus only on negative feelings and experiences?
- How do you determine the difference between abuse and an honest effort redirect a child's behavior?
- Is it possible to be deeply in love with someone for over half of your life and all of a sudden turn that off?
- Was I kidding myself to believe that I had a greater influence on my spouse than my children did?
- When is it alright to abandon eternal covenants and to replace them with resentment and hate?
- Why is it so hard to help others recognize how you really feel about things?
- Why are the most essential answers to our prayers the hardest to receive or recognize?
- How do you help someone who keeps asking for help but refuses to listen to the solutions you offer?
- Why do therapists think that listing everything you feel like you have lost will help you to get over it when it only makes the hurt more apparent and recognizable?
- Why is it that church leaders are so willing to support a sealing cancellation without a better attempt to understand the entire situation?
- Is it wrong for church leaders to just come and say that divorce is wrong and the parties involved need to find a way to resolve their differences?
- Why is so little thought given to the effect that divorce will have on the children involved ?
- Is there a better solution than divorce?
- When the church places so much emphasis on marriage and family how do you keep problems with one from affecting the other?
- Do we expect more from Heavenly Father for our efforts to do the right thing than is reasonable to expect?
- Why do blood relationships seem to be more important to some than eternal commitments?
- How do you recognize the difference between a situation where divorce is the only solution and one where more understanding and effort could resolve the problems?
- Why is it so hard to put it all behind and just chalk it up to experience?
- Does the passage of time help to resolve the issues or just cause them to dim in our memory?
- Is it important to continue working on resolving differences as part of the repentance process?
- What do I need to do differently to avoid finding myself in a similar situation in the future?
- How do I come to grips with what the real problems were and avoid being misled by false accusations or unwillingness to accept responsibility?

We moved into our second house in Spanish Fork in the spring of 1994. In the fourteen years since I have experienced some of the greatest highs of my life as well as the very worst low points. I suppose in the end they balance one another out but the extremes have taken their toll. Lake Powell has always been one of my most favorite places on earth and I have shared it will a number of different people during that period. The weeks spent their were perhaps the most enjoyable I have ever had. I never grow tired of the beauty and solitude that it offers as well as the opportunity for good wholesome fun. Perhaps the longest day of my life was spent driving back from Denver with my wife at the time and three of my grandkids. An innocent disagreement as we left Denver turned into an endless tirade of belittleing comments and derision from my wife for the whole trip. How does a person tell you one day that they love you and then the next day insist that you are nothing but a worthless human being? I finally can say that I know what a shrew is?
After fighting for over four years to allow Nathan some choice in where he would live and what he would do in life I was exhauseted. When I finally won and he came to live with me, the situation at home deteriated. He had given up hope of being given a say in his life. When he finally got a little freedom, he used it to make poor choices. I was at an extremely low point in life. I wasn't sure that I could take much more. Then, after coming to the conclusion that divorce was indeed the only solution to the stituation I was faced with I found myself being the one who was pushing the issue. When the divorce was final, I only felt relief at not having to face the daily verbal assault. Despite the two attempts I had made at marriage which resulted in similar ends I couldn't help but feel like I would be better off being married. Then I had the good fortune of meeting Brenda.
She has helped to restore my faith in marriage and in having a close relationship with someone that you truly care about. Her calm, even tempered disposition is like ointment to old wounds. I look forward to coming home and spending time with her. We have been able to share some truly wonderful experiences during the past four years. Our cruise to Alaska, the trips to Lake Powell with friends and the trip we made with her kids and their spouses. The trip to Yellowstone and back East to spend time with Matt and his Family. Exploring Washington DC and taking her to Michigan to see past friends and places. I feel truly blessed to be able to wake up in the morning and know that each day holds a new adventure with someone that I care deeply about. Her family has been accepting of me and she has had the opportunity to spend time with each of my sons and get to know them better. She sets a good example and provides needed counsel and support. Despite all of the nagging doubts and unresolved feelings of others which I seem unable to resolve; life moves on in a positive and productive way. I look forward to longtime relationships with those who choose to have one with me and to those who don't I am sorry for that and if it is my fault I sincerely apologize.