I really wish that I knew. A while back I shared some thoughts about agency and the multi faceted nature of the concept. Today my mind is occupied by the search for answers, not just for me, but for just about anybody. When I was a teenager it seemed that I had all the answers except for the tests I took in school. Now here I am after 63 years of practice still searching for the answers to the tests that life sends my way. Through the years I have figured out thousands of answers. Some of them have been right useful and others just an accumulation of trivial knowledge. But the conversations I have had with some of my sons over the past week leave me with few answers for them that they seem to be able to use. So I would like to list some of the thoughts that I have been having in an attempt to sort our the best answers for me and those I care about.
The still, small voice can certainly provide us with answers; I am sure of this, having experienced the process.
I am also sure that we often fail to get those answers because of ourselves.
We are often in too big of a hurry to patiently wait for the answer.
Answers require of us a sincere desire to willingly accept the message
That huge stumbling block, worthiness, also enters into the picture
That could easily lead me to the conclusion; if I am not worthy to seek heavenly help in finding an answer then I am simply out of luck.
Although there is a grain of truth to that concept, we have been given other resources to help us find the answers.
Life is meant to be a developmental process not just a winner takes all experience.
Above all our Heavenly Father wants us to succeed and has provided us with leaders, teachers, scriptures, family other sources of information.
He has also provided us with minds that are able to understand and sort through the concepts we are exposed to.
Having all of this to help, wouldn't you think that in 63 years I would understand many of the answers that I need? The trouble is, there are also many other factors entering into the equation. Then to only further complicate matters, these factors are constantly changing. My lifetime of experience can help me to answer questions about problems I have already faced but what about new problems or problems of others who are asking for my help. I sometimes wonder how it can get so complicated and seemingly impossible to resolve.
Another aspect is that we usually see the problems in others long before we see the problems in ourselves.
Along with that we almost always seem to have an answer for someone elses problem but struggle with what to do concerning our own problems.
Why is it so much easier to accept answers requiring action on the part of others, than it is to accept answers which require action on our part?
This all leads me to the belief that we must all find our own answers; even though well meaning suggestions by others sometimes head us in the right direction.
Along with agency is accountability and thank goodness I am only personally responsible for my own actions.
If I refuse to accept the answers or simply won't listen to hear them, in the end I am the one who will receive the consequences.
As parents we would like to push our will onto our children when we see them making poor choices. We are well intentioned, wanting them only to enjoy success and happiness, but unable to see the whole picture. It is my responsibility to set a good example and provide encouragement when needed but I can't make the choices for them. No matter how painful it is to watch their struggles, growth is subdued if I step in to avert the consequences. Being a teenager was hard and I longed for the time when I could be the one in charge. Raising kids is not as easy it it sounds and being the one in charge was often times not much fun. Now that the kids are mostly raised I am still faced with how I can best help them in my role as a loving parent. So it is a wonderful thing that there were many "good times" along the way to make it all worthwhile. Would I do it again, you bet. Would I do it differently, I could certainly make improvements. But most of all I would try harder to recognize and enjoy the "good times" to their fullest.
If you stuck with it and made it to this point then you deserve a medal. But hopefully the time you spent reading my ideas will pay off in more and better "good times" for you and your family.
1 comment:
I sometimes wonder why Heavenly Father felt agency and making our own decisions was so important that he was willing to lose a third of his children right at the get go. Agency must be more important to him than I can even imagine and I need to learn to parent the way he does, even though it is sometimes so very, very hard to see my children suffer needlessly (in my opinion) because of the choices they make. I've enjoyed reading about your good times and remembering some of them from my perspective. Keep the blogs coming.
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