The effect that the past has on you.

Recently I have had a little time to get some projects done that had been on hold. One of those projects was to try and digitize many of the old slides and photos that I had accumulated through the years. The project took on a large scope when my brother David planned an extended family reunion for this summer. I then decided to try and gather all of the old photos of ancestors as well as parents, brothers & sisters and their kids. It turned out to be one heck of a pile of photos. But I have managed to get a good share of them done and with the reunion coming up on the 14th of July it is a good thing. I hope to be able to compile a CD with family info and all of the applicable photos that I have found to show at the reunion.
While I have been doing this I was struck with the effect that looking at all these old pictures has had on me. It is fun to be reminded of the good times and it puts a smile on my face to see some of these old pictures. It gives me a sense of belonging to see pictures of and read about some of my ancestors. It gives me a sense of satisfaction to look at pictures of my kids when they were very young and realize that they have managed to become responsible adults in some cases. It causes a great deal of sorrow to see that poor choices have prevented some from being able to reach that goal. There are instances of having reached the goal and then slipped back as well as instances of turning things around to create a positive situation. As I look at pictures from my first marriage which lasted for 30 years and should have lasted for 60 or 70 I am struck with many emotions. A feeling of being cheated out of things that could have been. Sorrow that trying for the 30 years to make it work ended in failure. Pure joy at seeing pictures of the good times and being reminded of how it felt to experience those things. The feeling of exhilaration and anticipation that filled the beginning of the relationship. The feeling of despair and defeat that surrounded the end. The bitterness and distrust that was directed at me by those I cared the most about. But most of all a feeling of bewilderment at what truly went wrong and what could I possibly have done to have prevented it.
I have also experienced the realization that good friendships are not necessarily forever and the circumstances in life can drastically alter them. Divorce is a devastating force that reaches into every corner of a person's life as well as the lives of those around you. Certain times and places foster special relationships but then people move on and move around limiting the ability to maintain those friendships. But the memories, kept alive by the pictures, don't have to go away. And now in the age of computers we have a unique opportunity to reconnect in new ways and to share not only the memories but the modern day adventures.
Many of these pictures are priceless to me. One regret is that I don't have better quality pictures of some of the events, people and places. In today's world with digital cameras it is easy to take numerous pictures. But hopefully we are taking the time t0 create good quality pictures and trying to record honest emotion in the eyes and faces of our subjects. That is why candid pictures of young children are so special; they aren't afraid to show real emotion allowing us to capture it for preservation.
Well enough of this for today. It has been a very therapeutic experience looking through all of these pictures and recording my thoughts about them as well. Hopefully it will inspire you to take better pictures recording the memories that will endure. Don't be afraid to express a little honest emotion it looks good on everyone I know. Do whatever you can to preserve the thoughts and experiences you are having; not only for your posterity but for you to look back on in the future.